Oh Geez, Who Am I?

Why did I start a game jam about identity?

This month, I am running the Identity Jam. Loads of people have signed up - why not give it a try?

The idea was simple.

Write a game only you could write. A game authentic to who you are, about who you are, born from your own experiences.

And I super did not think about what exactly that meant in my case.

I have identity crises like, weekly.

So, I realized somewhere along the line that I had genuinely no idea what I was going to write.

Until I got an email about another jam I signed up for and forgot about! A jam that is very much my sort of jam!

Now we’re talking!

I’m a pagan in practice, so my identity is tied up in ritual, and I’ve written several ritual games. I’m allowed to double-up. No one told me I couldn’t.

Hosted by Morgan Eilish, the Ritual TTRPG Jam asks people to incorporate elements of ritual into a TTRPG, and further blur the line between roleplaying and magic.

I’ve made ritual games before: Constellation Gallery, for the Domino Jam, and Rare Jewel, for the Fae Jam 2022. Let’s just say I know my way around a ritual.

And, with the Identity Jam running at the same time, this is the perfect chance to explore an important and formative period in my life: the space between leaving the Church I was raised in behind and becoming a Discordian.

Okay, so long story short, I was a really religious kid. Like, profoundly Catholic. Like, “why does this child have so many theological opinions and ready Bible quotes” religious. But then, as I grew, I realized that despite my knowledge and my passion and deep love for the Church, the Church would never permit me to teach. I was a second-class citizen due to what I called “the accident of my birth” - the fact that I was a girl.

And that frustration grew and grew until I realized I needed to find a deity who returned not only my love, but my respect.

So, in a typical Cat behavior, I studied. I read about different Christian sects, I read about Pagan sects, and I studied until I found my theological home.

That’s Who I Am

I am a devotee of Chaos now. Honestly my mental health improved by leaps and bounds when I learned to accept the randomness of this beautiful world - because Discordianism fits me.

So, I want to make a game that will help the people who play it find their theological home.

The title is “Disciple”, and it’s going to be structured a little like Headless Guide, a sort of stripped-down proto-Carta. Between that and my experience with guided meditation (thanks to, I kid you not, attending a mystic college), I want to make a game that feels like a journey to find someone who is waiting for you.

With cards that will prompt you to find guides, gifts, and sanctuaries along the way, Disciple should produce a one-of-a-kind experience, one that guides the player toward, at very least, an idea of what kinds of powers resonate with them and their experiences.

It’s not going to be for everyone. But, it’s going to be for me.